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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.