Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
10 years from now: “Dad, how did you meet mom? Well, your mom had the hottest profile pic…so I had to friend request that.”
Vodka and denial are cheaper than therapy.
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100