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I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
Screw getting an alarm system. I`ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Saying “do I smell popcorn ” right after you fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
I have problems cleaning my house because I get distracted by all the fun things I find.
Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."