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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
Why does Facebook even give me the option to `Like` my own status? Of course I like my status, I`m F*ck!ng Hilarious! ...and Sexy.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
A court date is still technically a date, right?
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
Thanks to the presence of fools, wise people stand out.
Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat`s just being dramatic.