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I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.
Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.