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Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
Hey.. The tequila I drank wants to tell you a secret.
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?
We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today