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Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
Coffee keeps me busy until it`s time to be drunk.
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.