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Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
I`d like to eat healthy, but we all know what happened that time Eve ate an apple. Best not to risk it.
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
I can’t find the words to express how I have nothing to say
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don`t even have a battery in my smoke detector...
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.