Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
Every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it....
Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
Doctor: How`s your headache? Me: She`s out of town.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.