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Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
Of all the lies I`ve told in my life, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
Apparently, my wife has friend zoned me...
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(: