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A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
Right now I`m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I`ve forgotten this before.
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
If the shampoo and conditioner in her shower are not the same brand GET THE F*CK OUT, SHE`S A MAN!
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy