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You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, nudity, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...
The problem with drinking with people from work is they`re the ones I bitch about when I`m drunk.