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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
My box of animal crackers says "May contain nuts." So I`m inspecting each animal before I eat it...just in case.
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.