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WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, poverty can’t buy you anything.
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...