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Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
I’m tired of things costing money.
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.