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I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
1, 2 Freddie´s coming for u 3, 4 better lock the door 5, 6 grab your crucifix 7, 8 gotta say up late 9, 10 never sleep again
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
If I say sorry I missed you, better look really close the next time you cross the street, I don`t miss twice.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.