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The part of “no” that I don’t understand is the part where I don’t get what I want.
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Sometimes all you need, is 500 million dollars.
*accidentally answers phone call* ... *pretends to be answering machine*
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
What idiot named them nostrils instead of scent vents?
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.