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I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
A "Lifetime Movie" describes how long it felt when you were watching it.
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.