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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
You know you`re getting older when your friends start using the term "Pregnant" instead of "Knocked Up"
My wife didn`t appreciate me pointing out that my alcoholism began around the time that we first started dating.
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
That awkward moment when you open a fortune cookie and all you get is some vague, cryptic statement that`s not even a fortune.
he who laughs last thinks slow
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.
My Wife does this cute thing where she says that "actions speak louder than words" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding.
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.