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Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
Will someone please tell ugly girls with small boobs that their opioion doesnt really matter.
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.