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"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
When I was a kid I remember I fell asleep in the couch and woke up in the bed, now I fall asleep in the couch and wake up on the floor.
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
"The more the merrier": My excuse for extra food.
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!