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I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
You can get away with farting at the zoo because you can always blame the animals...
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.