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Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn`t talk much and I like that.
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
Relationship status: running out of films on Netflix.
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
everyone has that one crazy person in there family...but in my case everyone is just as crazy as i am!XD
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.