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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
Ever been completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some? Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.