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This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don`t want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one`s gonna mistake a different turtle for you.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?