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Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
When people sit in front of me at the movies. I make a loud fart sound so they quickly move to get away from me.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.