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Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
lol I rotfl
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
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"Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.