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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
i dont have drain bramage.