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I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
Why do they ask you "Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who`s accent is so thick you can`t understand them?
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.
You know it`s a classy establishment when they quietly ask you to leave.
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
My favorite beer is the 15th one.