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I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.