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Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
Live For Today… Plan For Tomorrow… Party Tonight!
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?