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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
When I want to trim down my friend`s Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
When I see people drinking at 11 am on a Friday I`m like, where do you work and are they hiring?
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
Singing in the shower is illegal according to this Ikea security guard.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.