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I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.