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Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
I’m like a kid in a candy store. I can’t afford anything.
My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.
The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin McAllister because I`m always going home alone
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.