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Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.