Daily Silly Status

Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."

Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!

It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.

Gravity is a real downer.

I saw a midget carrying a tv to his car today. I said "hey, would you like some help with that plasma?" He said "f*ck off asshole, it`s an IPad!"

This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!

I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.

If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember

I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.

Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority.

Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?

"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong

I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.

Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.