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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
That`s disgusting! (unless you`re up for it?)
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
Finally got this fire hydrant open, but there was like, the opposite of fire inside
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.