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“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
Good for you, people that do things.
Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
I`ve given up on giving up.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1