Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
2 words, 1 finger.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
Sometimes I really think I have my life together...and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.