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A wise man once said nothing.
Iām single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
My date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles