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My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
I found out last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee is sleeping right through it.
The police never think its as funny as you do.
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.