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I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
Ever wonder why divorces are expensive? Because they are worth it!
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
My 5 year old still has so much to learn. I asked him for a screwdriver and he brought me some sort of tool.
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?