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Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.
Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
My dog doesn`t always bark like there`s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I`m home alone and in the shower.
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
I`m already an idiot, I just need a village.
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.
That moment when being uncool, is cool