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I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time
Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.