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A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
Every so often you come across a person who always smiles no matter what, that person is the reason why random bitch slaps should be a thing
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.