Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
I put a pair of boots in the bathroom stall at work so nobody else will use the stall that I like to use.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.