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I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
There 492 billionaires in the United States, and not one of those goddamned losers has decided to become Batman.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
Mo’ money, mo’ problems. This explains why I don’t have problems.
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.