Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Iām going to start telling women that Iām available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there`s nothing past tense about it!
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented ā¢ Which breed is your dad?
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.