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Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
I wish electronics would scream a little bit when you unplugged them.
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
Home is where the alcohol is.