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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can`t remember where I parked my car.
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinky head that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.