Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
I don`t understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there`s so heavy.
When people say they did something "like a boss" I just picture them doing it fatter and with less hair
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that`s not it. Keep thinking! We`ll figure this out.
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
When I`m CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."