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I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
Always look for the girl with the ponytail holder on her wrist.
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
All these people are talking about finding Jesus, finding love, finding themselves... I`m like I found 63 cents and four Fritos in the couch!
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.