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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
“The darndest things.” -kids
Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
My Wife does this cute thing where she says that "actions speak louder than words" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding.
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…
I remembered my wedding anniversary today. It was last week.