Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn`t really listening.
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."