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Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
I’m not fat... my stomach is 3D.
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.