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Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am.
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
The only dates I get are updates.
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
Sometime you have to hand it to short people ... because they can`t reach.
Facebook: The only place where you get excited when strangers follow you.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?