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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
Why doesn`t someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it`s toasting.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.
To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!