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Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
Party like you will never be invited to another!
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
My date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.