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If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
I don`t have a drinking problem, I just celebrate everything! Like the fact that shirts have armholes, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
Just once, I`d like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.