Daily Silly Status

Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.

The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.

I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.

It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.

I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn`t have the same effect.

I`m ready to regret having sex with you.

It’s never too late for a coffee. After all it’s always morning somewhere in the world.

B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!

The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.

I make self-sabotage look like an art form.

I love all religions. They bring holidays .

There were 2 muffins in a muffin shop the first 1 says "I love being a muffin!" then the 2 muffin says ``Holy crap its a talking muffin!"

You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.

I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.