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It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.