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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
I wonder if strippers have nightmares about accidentally going to work fully clothed?
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.