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Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
I wasn`t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen.
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
I hope my last words aren’t “What does this thing do?”
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna` be a great day.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative